There's something about which I need to expound

 but please, dear reader, don't spread it around  -

 When my wife's not home,

 I leave the toilet seat up!

 I drink straight from the carton -

 I don't use a cup!

 I might go two days without a shower!

I do as I please - I feel so empowered!

 But as soon as she gets home,

 it's yes dear! No dear! Your welcome!

 So don't tell my secrets, 

 would you please?

 Let's keep this little poem

 between you and me....