The Lord is sharing with me - only a few of the original 12 Apostles of the Lamb have any part of their personal testimonies included in Scripture. I mean, their personal lives after Jesus departed, what happened to them each, individually is not found in scripture.....for a reason. They were being highly honored by God because they received the blessing of anonymity. They had no attention or glory diven to them beyond what we see in the Book of Acts, which does not single them out but mostly reveals what they did as a group, which is how we should behave today -  our identity should be more in what we're doing within a group then what we're doing individually. 

We know from history that most of them were martyred but none of their deaths is recorded in scripture. The more anonymous we are, the greater the calling, in most but not all instances, i think. The more God can use us when the time comes, for him to release us into our time of high impact, we must not crave the spotlight. Even Jesus,  except for a few brief moments at birth, at three years old, and at his Bar Mitzvah at 12, was anonymous (scripturally) until the time came pre-appointed by the Father for him to burst upon the national scene. I will gladly labor for a lifetime in anonymity for just one month of ministry like Jesus had, much less three years! I have to have every ounce of desire for self promotion  or self glory drained from my heart completely before Father chooses to use me to shake foundations, uproot long held (false) beliefs and traditions of men, and to dig wells and establish paths to dwell in. He must exalt me, for i cannot in any way, exalt myself. I must seek HIS GLORY for any other glory is vain glory, no matter how we couch it in Christian cliches or give testimony that we say is to glorify God but the real intent is to make us look good in the eyes of people. I must continue to seek and desire anonymity in my heart, only entering the spotlight  He shines on me, only going where HE sends me, only speaking what HE puts in my mouth. This is all assuming He will use me at all. I've squandered far too many years. He may decide to curse me like he did the fig tree, if he comesvto inspect and enjoybmy fruit and finds it rottingnor non-existent. In fear and trembling i cry out to Him- take not Thy Holy Spirit from me. Renew a right spirit within me. I crave his presence more than fame or any other spotlight men can shine on me. To be used by Him to bring glory to Him is my soul desire. My stubbornness and pride is breathtaking in it's scope, I've too often refused to be broken. Saving my soul is the greatest miracle Jesus will ever perform for me. Lord, S.O.S. - Save Our Souls!

PS  i wrote this in December 2017